itsyourears: Photograph of 'Taking Root' by Kate MacDowell (Default)
I do not fit into your Earth binary.

If you're the kind of person who needs a label to slap on me, then slap on the one that says male. I won't bother getting to know you either. We can both accept the universal lie.

If you want more labels, then slap on the one that says "male in spirit, female in body". It's a lot closer to the truth - if you can accept it as a state of being, not see it as a problem.

But if you want to know what I am? What I really, secretly, in the nameless world of the infinite possible, might be when I'm not constrained?

Then I was born exactly what I am. DNA is beautiful; it's not an engine, a stultified machine that will only do one job, only run on one fuel. Put testosterone into my body and it will obligingly remould; shape itself anew, as close as it can reach to male. I was born exactly what I am now: a living being. My chromosomes are what they've always been.

I was born exactly what I am now: wired to feel male. Male in that very potent organ my body carries between its ears. Female in my curves, my rich centre, my astonishing capacity to carry a human child.

I was born exactly what I am now: mismatched. This miraculous, sensual, breathing body is alien somehow; I live in it, yet don't respond to it. I know what it can do, yet I feel nothing about that. And yet I do not want surgeries to take the miracle organs out of me, because I do not want to pretend to be something I am not. I was born exactly what I am: a contradiction in terms. If I can have that, why reduce myself to a label?

I was born exactly what I am now: both/and, not either/or. I am a contradiction in terms because your terms are inadequate. I do not fit into your Earth binary.

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itsyourears: Photograph of 'Taking Root' by Kate MacDowell (Default)
itsyourears

August 2012

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